Commitment Phobias

“Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose — and commit myself to — what is best for me.”  – Paulo Coelho

Over the past few months I have been struggling with the importance of commitment and people around me think I have developed an inability to carry out the aforementioned act. This has been based on decisions of my personal life as well as professional, quitting my job again and being left by several woman due to my aversion to the “relationship conversation”. From the outside I could be being viewed as being an ungrateful, typical millennial child, acting irresponsibly without a care, but you would be doing me an injustice to make such a judgement of my disposition.

Following my travels and unique experiences over the past two years, I have discovered a strong sense of belief and confidence in my ability to face any challenge presented to me. This can be troubling for those around me to comprehend due to the repressive culture which we have been brought up in, where conforming is the norm and playing down one’s ability is seen as borne from humility rather than fear. I made up my mind or maybe a “commitment”, that I don’t just want to live a comfortable sensible life, I want to live with passion bursting from my soul and sleep every day knowing I lived to my most authentic self, not an easy feat to achieve by any means, but damn it I am going to try.

I have found solace in this quote from The Zahir in doubtful moments, that I am in fact only being more selective with my commitments because I understand myself, rather than developing some sort of inherent phobia. This level of understanding possibly not a luxury afforded to my previous generations due to socio-economic climates. You see,  I believe, to fully commit to anything, be it work, another person, a life goal, you must first know who you are as a person and what imprint you wish to leave upon this world in the short time you have.

At this current point of world history, people in developed countries have never had as many choices which we currently have. Whether this be in what career to follow, who to love, what friends you want or the hobbies you wish to undertake. All this choice can lead to a state of analysis paralysis with the result being a life of indecisiveness and lack of substance. The only way this can be avoided is if we make discovering our authentic selves the highest priority in our lives rather than an afterthought which has been the unfortunate case for many of us.

In a survey done by the guardian on people on their deathbeds as to what their biggest regret was, one of the top responses was “never living a life true to themselves”.

I do not plan to make such a mistake. That is my commitment.



About kunalshah1

Part Time Yogi, Finance Geek & Globe Trotter with ambitions to travel the world.
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